Born into not Chosen.

I have felt alone all of my life. Believing holding in every emotion or situation you’ve needed comfort and help with. How do you ask when you were never taught how to use your words for good, not just for basic life and grades. Communication was an illusion in my childhood. Screaming, anger, putting others in the middle, ect.. I want gentle communication when there’s solutions and not just an explosive bomb they were growing up.
Too crave different, feel seen, felt validated. Too long for it your whole life. Instead of fighting for it at the start of it all. Granted you were too young to even understand right from wrong. Growing up just believing this is just the fate that was chosen for you. Letting the pain and negative thoughts and feelings take away the child you once were. Spending way too many years trying to make sure everyone was okay instead. Keeping the peace as much as the youngest can. Sinking more and more with no life jacket. Keeping completely silent when I should have been screaming for help til my last breath.
Always wondering if you had gotten help and completely changed your childhood in what ways would my life be different. I know that there wouldn’t be the person I am today and I most definitely wouldn’t have Khloie, the true purpose I’m writing this to start with.
Becoming a teen mom isn’t ideal but the motivation to actually strive to change to learn and grow in ways never possible. Knowing from your childhood haunting you during your parenting choices. The gut wrenching truth that you never want your child in their 20s’ fighting trauma from the childhood I gave her.