Life: What we are born into..

  Crazy that until Kindergarten most of us just start remembering. Where the start of all the memories begin. But what does that actually do for us when there’s more memories that no child should ever have. Is memories where we start to learn right from wrong, how to handle tough situations. What about the ones that were taught extremely wrong where communicating something is wrong and you need help is not in a single memory. When you grow up with a toxic life it becomes normal. There’s no middle, you don’t see healthy coping or anything from your day to day people. It takes growing up and stepping out of that house by ourselves to see the differences in the world. First teachers show it to you, next you know you’re at a friend’s house learning a different type of living, where toxic isn’t normal. The people who were supposed to know and protect you the most were never there to save you. Let alone examples to follow. Especially when you have siblings with way worse behavioral issues than you ever did.  Always feeling like you’re just there. With every new year comes more of your parents’ skeletons. At ages way too young to have grown-up problems put in your closet. Making life miserable instead of making happy memories. The more adult responsibilities thrown at you like you automatically understand the assignment. The years spent enjoying and learning were actually survival and unforgettable trauma. That was never meant to be yours. The things adults chose to watch in front of us. Thinking it’s going to be looked at as a lesson of what not to do. To be brought into fights kids shouldn’t hear at all. Being told that’s how it works, selfish in not wanting to be happy themselves. Watching them act like caring, attentive parents when others around. But when it came to comfort just repeatedly told me that my dad bottles it up. My mom never will admit it’s because she does it too. Always being told we’re safe and loved. Though they never once actually did protect my sister and I. Your own father can be a predator. Or the new stepbrother that moves into your house. My mom said to protect us she’d never bring a man into our lives to “protect” us. In some cases they do end like my mom said and a predictor, or a domestic done to her or us. I had learned this 1st hand way more than once. I’m the youngest I was a planned pregnancy. My sister was absolutely unplanned, she completely chose him as my father 4 years after.

Childhood is in the hands of the parents..